Cellmates and Other Interesting Inmates
I had many cellmates during my time in jail; most were there on drug-related offenses. One guy was there on a PFA violation but wound up pleading guilty to aggravated assault; he was probably in his mid-50’s and had admittedly punched his girlfriend and knocked her out. I believe his sentence was seven years in state prison. Oddly, I remember the name of only one of them, Ryan, who was in his mid 20’s. He was in for making terroristic threats to his grandparents who had raised him; he was on meth when he said he would kill them. They also had a PFA against him and I saw later in the court records that he had violated it by having dinner with them. I don’t know the entire story but suspect they invited him to dinner and an argument ensued. He had a big tattoo across his back that said “Fuck the Feds” that he got while serving two years in federal prison for a hate crime. It was actually a well-done tattoo for what you might expect getting in jail.
The “hate” crime was an interesting story. I had heard that he had burned a cross in some black family’s yard. He was certainly a racist and I tolerated many racist jokes he told me. My thought was that he’d gotten involved with some white supremacists and burned a cross to impress them. When I finally asked him why the heck he was burning crosses he told me the story, which is somewhat amusing. Apparently, his girlfriend had dumped him for a black guy and he got two small pieces of 2×4, nailed them together in the shape of a cross, propped the cross up in his old girlfriend’s new boyfriend’s yard, poured gasoline on them, and lit them on fire. All I could think was, “You idiot!” He wasn’t dumb, in fact, he seemed very intelligent, but I suspect drugs made him do very dumb things. He was particularly mad at federal law enforcement because when he was tried at the state level he got convicted of illegal burning. After this, the federal government charged him with the hate crime. Double jeopardy apparently didn’t apply, although it sure seems to me like it should have as it was the same act.
His story with drugs was similar to one I heard from another cellmate and heard frequently around the jail. While a teenager he had gotten in a motorcycle accident and injured his back. He was prescribed painkillers and got addicted to them. When he couldn’t get more painkillers legally, he turned to illegal sources. This got him into the illegal drug world and he wound up addicted to meth which was apparently easier and cheaper to obtain than painkillers. I also heard from a few people that it was easier to ween off an addiction to meth than it was to painkillers. Thus, they would start taking meth to try to clean up their lives. I have no idea if this is true, and it didn’t seem to work for the guys I met in jail, obviously.
Many inmates had interesting stories although I’m sure they were mostly embellished or simply bullshit. One inmate who was probably in his early 60’s told me he’d played hockey for the University of Michigan. This seemed a bit of a stretch but he not totally unreasonable. That was until he mispronounced Bo Schembechler’s name. Winning the lottery in 2013 didn’t keep Josh Bitner from returning to jail. There were many different versions of what he actually won but enough people seemed to be aware of it that I was confident it was true. I later discovered the announcement of him winning $10,000 per month for life playing the Pennsylvania Lottery. Josh was a drug addict and the picture shown here of him holding the giant check always makes me laugh. I have to think the lottery people were thinking that they were not going to have to pay out much because with $10,000 per month to buy drugs this guy was going to be dead in a couple years. He at least made it a couple of years as he was back in prison in 2015.
The jail gossip was that he found someone to exchange his lifetime payout for a lump sum. However, this lump sum was not a great deal of money. I’m sure this was because the business taking over the monthly payouts also probably didn’t think Josh was going to live very long. I’m sure they were very happy that he was in jail and, therefore, not using drugs. I always think of him when I see the television commercials for companies that will convert some structured settlement to a lump sum. The J.G. Wentworth commercials with people yelling, “It’s my money and I want it now!” are some of the “best.”
Another interesting inmate with tons of fun stories, many of which I have confirmed, was Cecil Barnhart. He was in his 60’s when I met him and had spent 25 years of his life incarcerated for robbing banks. He had transitioned to also robbing pharmacies because they were easier to rob and if you either were going to use the drugs or knew where to sell them, much more lucrative. From what he said, it seemed like he was doing fairly well financially before he robbed the latest bank and pharmacy, and said he did so because he was bored.
His M.O. was to use a pen to add noticeable fake tattoos and find an accomplice to act as a getaway driver. They would steal a car, go to McDonald’s, buy a bunch of food, and then go rob the bank. If they were stopped by police it would appear they had just come from McDonald’s with the police thinking that there was no way a bank robber would stop for food after a robbery. He also said that he’d discovered that the cleaner Gojo was the best way to get the dye from the exploding dye pack off the bills. He had apparently been turned this latest time by a disgruntled girlfriend and while he was incarcerated someone burned his house down. I never did ask him what percentage of robberies he got away with.
Notes: Being in handcuffs and shackles sucks. And hurts. I have bruises all over my wrists and ankles from them. (I have no idea why it’s necessary to shackle people when they are already handcuffed but I was told that is normal procedure.)